HOPE 55 – What am I? Day 1

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„Did she passed the message?” asked R1. He was waiting for this moment for last years to be fully reunited with his long lost twin flame.

„I’m not sure” replied D1 telepathically. „From what I know she is still working on it even though she finished the story long time ago.”

They were both divided in their existence, not able to connect through the layers of the dualistic universe. At least they had their personal channel to communiacte. They’ve never seen each other yet went through so much together. They were both locked in the same mind of their creator – young lady in her twenties living somewhere on the Earth plane. She was their extention on the planet, yet they couldn’t communicate with her freely. It’s a long process before someone realiseS that what he see it’s not the ultimate reality.

***

Young lady was sitting in her room. For a long time she wasn’t able to connect with other souls on the level she expected. Her mind was messed up. From all that she learned she could only had glimpses of what really is going on. She used the Ethernet to learn things about life but she wasn’t able to discover who she really was. That’s why she invented this game of questions because she realised that this will help her to know herself better.

For the last few years her consciousness was expanding. Due to her development she was able to gain and loose knowledge as she pleased. She realised that all what was appearing in her mind was merely another plane of existence – something really distant as she thought at first. Every day she was going on they-tube to gain enough impulses form other minds. Suddenly, in the recent days, all was coming up to her through synchronistic versions of the same words. She needed to have a closer look on this.

As usual she decided to communicate with herself on a different level. She gained this ability to meet her mind through various acts of writing. Since she was a child she liked to spend time on describing her life in many journals but just over a year ago she also discovered that she can get needed knowledge through just writing what her heart says. And that is what she wanted to do today.

She knew that in last few months her personality had changed drastically. It was due to many circumstances when she thought that she lost herself fully and wasn’t able to appear the same anymore. She wasn’t sure that what she perceives about herself is true, that’s why she introduced the questioning method to her new lifestyle.

It was a sunny, spring day when she sat again in her room. The beautiful change of season could be observed from her window. Not longer than few days back every birch tree she could see was sill just a bunch of naked branches. Today all was covered with tiny and very bright-green leaves. Finally the Earth was waking up after the long time of sleep. And she was also waking up to her Mission, which she wasn’t expecting at all.

Our lost lady decided to open her journal and write a note to herself. She chose a question she would ask over a period of one week to see what answers will pop up in there. The question was:

What am I?

Sunday, 15th April 2018

What am I?

My name is Eva. I am 24 years old. For a long period of time I’ve been asking myself this question. I’m no longer sure if I can answer it completely as everything for me seems like an illusion. I feel that I put many lables on myself creating false concepts of identity. I don’t know anything for sure anymore.

Throught my life I’ve been called many names: Eva Maria, Ewson, Lucy… In recent times I also aquire some imaginary names such as Diana and Hope. All I created through my experience of the conscious mind.

I’ve also had many labels: a daughter, a sister, a student, a gardener, a nanny, a teacher, a waitress, a barista, a writer, a blogger, a photographer, an artist. Yet none of them was sticking with me for long enough that I could call myself this one and only thing.

I am a human being. This seems like the only true thing I can tell about myself.

I am. Even that seems better than anything I wrote above.

Is that “I” a real thing? What if it’s just “am”.

Even though I would like to see what I come up within the next few days. It seems like a great question to ask and maybe I will get some good answers that will help me to understand myself better.

Today I am writing this story. My story. Convicing the Ego that it can still hold onto something written in words. Am I these words that fly through my brain to get on the paper? Am I the creature that takes next breaths to make sure my body gets enough oxygen? Am I this sight, smell, touch, taste or hearing? Am I the heartbit? Am I…?

I have more questions than answers. And it’s always this way. I think that I’ve come a great way to not understand a thing. The basics of existence. But no matter what I am, I am what I think. I believe there is much more to this life than just what I perceive yet.

After writing these words she put down the notebook. That was enough for today. She got even more confused then before. She doesn’t know a thing yet.